Appraisal

I wonder why my company's annual appraisal gets later and later every year. To make things more mysterious, the HR's efficiency decreased with increased headcount. Overused utility?

Anyway, I had mine done today (finally) and it was probably the shortest I've had in my 3 years plus in the company. It was over in ten minutes. We went through every KPI and I got marked up instead of down so I have got to be happy. And finally, I asked about certain prospects and am glad to hear what I want to hear.

Overall, this has got to be the best appraisal ever. I haven't felt this good in a long time.

Thank God!

Now I just need the final approval by the top management and I can look forward to the rest of the year.

First step towards baptism

I have been attending Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) since February, and thinking back I had really had a lot of chances to have began this much earlier in my life having been educated in Catholic schools since kindergarten. But I only really accepted the faith when I was 15 and I had been a protestant since, church hopping most of the time.

There really are a lot of things that had happened that when you look at it, cannot merely accept it as coincidence. For example, I only had this strong urge to go for RCIA one week before the class commenced and it came at a crucial time of my life in which I badly needed divine guidance. It turned out to be the best thing that had happened to me this year at least, and I'm enjoying every moment of being reconciled with the Catholic faith.

Yesterday, I took the first step towards baptism when I was officially accepted as a Catechumen through the rite of acceptantance of Chutechumenate. Although many would think this is a minor step, to me it marks a major milestone of my young Catholic life and I'm now looking forward to learning much more until the end of the year, as I prepare for baptism.

My Lord, I will always be grateful for your call to me to return to the church.

Segregating my Arsenal musings

I have quite a number of postings on Arsenal in this blog over the last 4 years and I've decided to separate it to another blog focusing just on Arsenal. This will ensure that my personal stays personal, about my own thoughts on my own life outside of Arsenal.

The new Arsenal blog is called Son of a Gun, check it out at http://sonofagunner.wordpress.com/

抱著空氣

談情時太美妙
但是已經告別了
痛愛每天困擾
是沒法可預料

愛上你太奧妙
為甚要開這玩笑
看痛苦的破曉
伴著我的合照

曾快樂曾相戀 曾擁抱吻著你
曾吵架曾生氣 如今一一記起
如果心仍不死 容許我 掛念你
明知道迷戀你
而可惜沒法擺脫別離
抱著空氣

說再見那暗示
現實要捨棄情意

但是我想你知
事實我很在意

曾快樂曾相戀 曾擁抱吻著你
曾吵架曾生氣 如今一一記起
如果心仍不死 容許我 掛念你
明知道迷戀你
而可惜沒法擺脫別離

...抱著空氣

The Endless

Friends of mine should know that I'm a huge fan of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series. In it, Sandman or Dream, is one of the 7 Endless. Dream is the third one, preceded by Destiny and Death, followed by Destruction, Despair, Desire and Delirium. What interests me so much in this series is that all 7 elements are present in our daily lives and experienced by all. The next part I'm going to explain may require you to do some thinking, the Endless, are not Kings or Lords of their own name (eg Dream is not Lord of the Dreams, he IS Dream). They are what they are named. To understand this further, you can check on the Endless.

The reason as to why I'm explaining the above is so that you, the reader, can understand what I have been going through the past 6 months with the following poem I've written based on the Endless:

drawn into Despair,
consumed by Delirium,
driven by Desire,
abandoned by Dream,
courted by Death,
Destined for Destruction

For those who need further explanation, please read my earlier few posts. Since that unforgettable and unfortunate event in my life, I have been drawn unwillingly into a great state of despair (1st line), I'm delirious most of the time (2nd line), the desire for someone who is never meant to be haunts me (3rd line), I'm unable to sleep (4th line), and if this continues, suely nothing good can come out of it (5th and 6th lines).

I realise I'm at my poetic best when I'm in the worst kind of mood (see my previous breakup 2005), even if it is a really dark one.

This has been my MSN message for 6 months.

Tonight, I will put an end to the Endless.

I miss you

Words cannot do justice in expressing how much I miss you.

Everywhere I turn, every song I listen to, everything I do, reminds me of you and the times we have spent together. Being with you has been the happiest time of my life. And I seriously doubt anything else can surpass that kind of elation.

After talking to two of my best pals, Weimin and Jackson, on separate occasions, I have realised my flaws.

I do not wish to give excuses. But I want to make clear certain things. Life is short, let's not let any misunderstandings get in the way of an happiness. Yes, it is true I have a temper. But as I always say, I didn't ever flare up at you nor lost my temper with you. However, my pals told me something that I realised. Something I couldn't have realised before anyone told me. The fact remains even though I didn't lose my temper with you, losing my temper at all with anyone or anything in your presence would have given you stress due to the tension that is existant in the air at the time. And I completely understand that now. You said before you were stressed to see me angry, and it doesn't matter that I wasn't angry with you. Now I fully understand. If ever I get a chance to relive my 4 months with you, I would definitely have done things differently.

Another thing that I have told you also, I know now that I tend to fight and debate my case too strongly. And at times, you may not be able to express yourself about the things you want. And for that, I have already changed.

I also realise that you are one independent lady. You know how to take care of yourself. I know I tend to want to take care of you and care for you in the most minute of things and at times, you will find that real bothersome. I didn't understand why before, but I do now because you are independent. And all independent persons will hate to have that taken away from them. I know that perfectly now because I would hate to have my independence taken away from me as well. And I love you for being so independent, which is so rare in ladies.

All I want to say is, all these would have been prevented if we have better communication. I want to change, to be a better man for you and ultimately also for myself.

I know I can do it. I have already done the things that I have told you I would do. You said you want to go home often and I have not prevented you nor create any fuss ever since. You wanted time alone, I gave you time alone and I didn't even want to bother you by contacting you. But I was concerned for your safety, which as mentioned above, I shouldn't have either.

I miss you terribly. I just wish for a chance to re-date you. For you to see for yourself that I can be the man you wish me to be. Give me the chance to give you the happiness you desire. I really don't think I can love another person. There may be prettier girls, there may be girls with stronger personalities, but there is no one else like you. And I can't love anyone else like I love you.

Please consider giving me the chance to date you again, that's all I hope for. No commitments, no demands, no expectations. Just starting afresh.

My name is Alvin Tham. May I date you?















I miss you so much, so much, soooo much.

Feels like family

Recently, I'm facing the darkest days of my life. Something which I will elaborate in my later posts. But first, the 'feel-good' post first.

I went to a friend's place for a little steamboat gathering a few weeks ago and it was just the right timing for me, only days following the crap that happened.

Although I was extremely distracted, and I'm like always distracted these days, I still enjoyed the company of the gang - my closest group of friends. As we chat at the dinner table having steamboat, we relived some of the happiest and most memorable times when we were all still schooling together. It felt warm, it felt right at home. As Marcus said: It feels like family. And they are, my 'family out of family'.

It is times like this during this difficult time that gives me the will to carry on. To live on.

Too bad 2/3 of the gang are married, which means I have to find other means to distract myself. To feel good again.

I haven't found out what means yet.

Milan

I went to Milan for a business trip alone earlier in September and it was a terrible trip.

Firstly, the place is world-renowned as the fashion city of Europe. Although I admit the locals dress really well, the place is nothing to shout about. It is, dare I say it, overrated.

Worse still, I almost got pickpocketed.

I was stepping out of the train station and on the escalator when a chap pretended to drop his ticket and stopped me from stepping out of the escalator. His crime partner rushed up behind me, and puhed me from behind as if he was stuck behind me while trying to reach for my back pocket. I noticed something amiss and indeed felt his hand sticking into my back pocket. I shouted and poked him with the bottle in my hand and they ran off within seconds. GOSH!

Then on the last day I nearly got mugged by a few Africans in Duomo, ironically the city's main tourist spot. They threatened me to 'donate' 5 euros to 'Great Africa' and blocked my path, in broad daylight.

I had to shout to get attention from the public around me to get away from them successfully.

Now I have experienced crime first-hand in 3 different continents - Asia (China), America (NC, USA) and now Europe. Now beat that!

What's going on?

I haven't been posting although I've been meaning to.

Well, I guess it must always take a big issue to get me writing again, and so it is.

I have been troubled with various issues the past week, but everytime I spent time with my special someone I am able to avert the attention elsewhere. It is like she is my breath of fresh air.

A few personal issues outside of work is bothering me and it still isn't settled.

Arsenal is simply shit this season.

And now I have lost my breath of fresh air. At least for a few days. My greatest fear is that it will be permenant. This is indeed the year of disappointments for me (my career isn't exactly going the way I want t to as well)

I want this to end. I need my fresh air. Please return. Soon.

Please.